This Disgusting, Beautiful World
by LAURAxZABUZA
Summary: Deidara is the newest member of the Akatsuki and he is feeling right at home. However, his infatuation with fellow member Itachi Uchiha and Itachi's own indifference towards Deidara has the ninja a little put-off. main focus ItaDei. some KisaIta & SasoDei
1. Chapter One: Deidara

Snow fell past the boy's azure eyes. He despised the cold, and here it was mocking him in his own back-yard. This place managed to feel like a home after a mere week.

Deidara turned back inside. The full Akatsuki, so he was told, was rarely in the same place at the same time. Everyone had their missions which came in a seemingly endless stream. However, whether the poor weather was to blame or there was truly a lack of errands, all nine men and one woman were in the hideout on this day, and had been there since yesterday. Everyone had made a point to introduce themselves to the blonde newcomer...that is all but Itachi. Then again the Konoha native was his recruiter; it was not like Deidara did not know him. The raven kept to himself as far as Deidara observed. One must assume he shared some things with his partner, the brutal Kiri native, Kisame, but you would never see this.

Deidara's own partner was somewhat of a recluse as well. Sasori remained in his own quarters doing god-knows-what sort of experiments on those puppets of his. Deidara managed to speak to the man on two occasions, which was odd since they were supposed to share a room (this was a sort of "bonding technique" brought about by one of the higher-ups...Deidara suspected the woman). The young ninja was left to assume Sasori spent his nights held up in his private quarters working for days on end. Deidara admired that sort of dedication to art.

Now Deidara was headed to his room, nothing seemed to be happening right now. He sprawled across his bed and let out a half-yawn-half-sigh before noticing his partner was asleep on the other bed. Deidara stared at his doll-like face, so childish, for a moment before shutting his own eyes. It was only midday but he could use a nap.

As he drifted off Deidara recounted his "recruitment" by Itachi, as he had every day since he joined the Akatsuki. Sasori may be the only other proclaimed artist in the organization, but Deidara saw Itachi as the true unrivaled artist. Nowhere had he seen such execution of skill. If course he was envious, he was still but a boy of fifteen...it was just in his nature. He was also slightly obsessed. He tried in vain to catch Itachi's attention, to speak to him, to sit and just take in his beauty without interruption. He was truly infatuated with the older shinobi.

Deidara awoke abruptly. It was well after midnight and Sasori was gone. Deidara did notice that his blankets had been pulled over him as he slept...another mystery to the character that is Sasori.

There was a knock at the door and Deidara rose to answer it. Outside, barely illuminated to the point of recognition was Kisame.

"Deidara-kun, I was wondering if I may have a word."

"It can not wait till morning?" It wasn't like he was going to sleep.

"It is urgent; I need you to follow me."

Without so much as a thought towards what this may be about, Deidara grabbed up his jacket and followed Kisame. He had paused over his bag of explosive clay but decided it would not be necessary.

Kisame lead him out of the hideout and into the forest. Deidara shivered, his mood was certainly taking a turn for the worse.

"Hey Kisame-san what is all this, un?"

Kisame kept walking for another minute then stopped and turned to the boy. He advanced on him, towering over Deidara; a sick smile displayed his crudely sharpened teeth. He reached foreword, his large hand brushed against the youth's cheek and down to his slender neck.


	2. Chapter Two: Ravish

Deidara's stomach sank to his feet. He took a swift step back away from the much larger man. Kisame reached out and grabbed him by the arm.

The world stood still

.  
>Snow was still falling. It whispered on Deidara's cheeks and stuck in his pale hair. He stared, unwavering, at his attacker. Kisame stared right back, his beady eyes full of hunger and ill-intent.<p>

All at once the tranquil scene was broken. Deidara jerked his arm but Kisame held fast. The older ninja reached out with his free hand and locked on to a handful of straw-colored hair. Deidara attempted to pull himself away but to no avail. Deidara had never been strong or particularly athletic; he chose a technique that kept him well distanced from his opponent and was very effective.

But, he had left his clay behind.

Here he was attempting to fight off an opponent who was stronger, faster, and seasoned in hands-on combat. Needless to say, Deidara was without a hope.

Kisame pulled his prey to the ground. Deidara went down kicking and thrashing. The least he could do was making this as difficult as possible. Kisame was amused by the boy's struggles, his grinned widened as he restricted his movements further. He got both of the boy's hands in one of his much larger hands. He pinned him down with his knee and removed his belt with his free hand. Deidara's struggles became more forceful, his blue eyes got wide with the renewed realization of what was coming next.  
>"GET OFF YOU FUCK, I'LL KILL YOU!"<p>

Kisame laughed as he began wrapping the belt tightly around his captive's hands. Deidara managed to slip one of his hands out of the premature binding. Immediately he grabbed at Kisame's face, hoping that if he dug in his nails the shinobi would slip up just enough for him to escape. Instead Kisame brought his fist down hard into Deidara's face. The first hit his cheekbone, barely missing his nose and splitting his cheek against his cheek, stunned the youth and stopped his attack. The second landed soundly on the side of his head, knocking Deidara out for a minute.

When Deidara came-to he was unclothed from the waist-down, his hands were tightly bound and rest above his head. Deidara squinted his eyes open; the left had blood draining into it. He could make out Kisame just opening his pants and pulling out his member, already partially hard. As Kisame advanced on the him, Deidara fought back with what little strength he had left. He brought his arms down, his bound hands in a tight fist, attempting to strike Kisame in the head with all his strength. The skilled shinobi caught his hands and drove his fist into Deidara's diaphragm, knocking the wind out of him in a most painful manner.

Deidara curled up, bringing his knees to his chest and rolling to his side gasping for breath. Kisame used Deidara's own sock to cram into his mouth. He rolled Deidara back and held his legs in place as he forced his large sex into the other male's anus.

Deidara tried to scream but he was already gasping for breath. He merely became utterly still and silent, tears welling up in his eyes. Kisame froze as well, a moan escaping him at the ecstasy of the tight hole. Then he thrust himself as hard and as deep as he could, Deidara's muffled scream only excited him further. He pounded the boy into the ground while Deidara continued trying to yank his arms apart, the skin on his wrists and hand ripping and bruising against the harsh leather. Kisame pinned his arms down to keep them out of his own way. He stopped, leaned in close to Deidara and removed the gag, replacing it with his mouth as the other gasped for air. Deidara attempted to turn out of the smothering kiss, closing his mouth to the invasion. Kisame raked his sharp teeth across the boy's delicate lips and forced his tongue inside practically down his throat. He ended with a firm nip at Deidara's lower lip then stuffed the gag back into his bloody mouth. Deidara choked on the fabric and, between the gag going down his throat and the deep pain and disgust, he felt the sudden need to vomit.

As bile filled his throat and nasal cavity Deidara stopped struggling. He turned his head away from the scene and accepted the lack of oxygen. His vision became unfocused, his hearing muffled, and he dug the nails of his right hand into the left to mute the pain inside him to some minuscule degree.

It could not have been more than a minute before the bastard came inside of him but it felt like an hour. Deidara remained motionless as Kisame cleaned himself up. He leaned over Deidara, staring at him for a moment then sank his teeth into the tender place between his neck and shoulder. Deidara cringed with the sudden pain and elbowed Kisame in the jaw.

Kisame chuckled, "good you're still alive." He untied the belt and tugged on his jacket. Without another word he left.

**PLEASE REVIEW! IT IS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED 3 **


	3. Chapter Three: Sasori

Deidara slowly pulled the gag from his mouth and spat out a mixture of vomit and blood. He lay there for a while, disgusted, humiliated, and in pain. When he finally sat up he immediately rolled off his ass...it hurt like hell! He swallowed a sob. Even after his attacker was gone he refused to let himself crack up. Deidara stood slowly, the soiled sock still clasped tightly in his hand. Almost immediately his knees gave out, the impact sent another powerful wave of pain shooting through him. He took a deep breath and stood again. Deidara limped to where his pants and underwear were laid. He pulled them on gingerly, making note to destroy the articles as soon as possible. He pulled on his shirt and shoved his feet into his shoes. Grabbing his other sock, he limped back towards the hideout.

Deidara, despite his discomfort, got to the entrance as quickly as possible. As he was about to pass over the threshold he remembered his jacket was still somewhere among the trees. He could not imagine making the trip back then scrambling about to find it then trekking back here. Deidara decided to just go out tomorrow once he was feeling better. He moved silently through the halls, keeping an eye out for anyone who might see him in this sorry state. Luckily he made it back to his room without anyone noticing.

Sasori was fast asleep in his bed when Deidara stumbled in. He slipped off his shoes, dropped his socks and began pulling off his clothes on the way to the bathroom. He turned on the hot water in the shower and, not caring the temperature, climbed in. The hot water stung in his many wounds causing the boy to gasp. He watched blood run down his thighs and swirl at the bottom of the tub before disappearing down the drain. He slid slowly to his knees and ran his hands over his face, unplastering his hair from his forehead and cheeks. More blood rinsed down the drain. Deidara took several deep breaths, letting the hot steam inside of him...as if he could cleanse himself inside and out. He sat there for a very long time. When the water started to go cold he turned it off and got out. He wrapped himself in a fresh towel and approached the sink and wiped the mirror of the condensation.

His face was bruised on the majority of the left side and there were several cuts on and around his lips. The thin skin above his eyebrow was split and a fresh trickle of blood ran from it. Deidara silently removed the medical kit from the drawer where it was kept. He removed the disinfecting gel, gauze, tape, and butterfly bandages.

He first dabbed a decent amount of disinfectant on the bleeding wound, wincing when it started to sting. He stretched a butterfly bandage over it to clamp it shut and better stop the bleeding. After that he covered it with gauze and went about spreading the gel on the cuts around his mouth and the bite marks on his shoulder. When he was done he applied a generous amount onto his index. He looked at it for a moment.

This is going to hurt.

Before he could think about it for another second he moved his hand under the towel. He hesitated slightly before pushing his finger in. He cried out but muffled it in his arm remembering his sleeping partner in the other room. He grunted with the pain as he made sure the area was coated thoroughly.

When he finished, Deidara exited the bathroom and put on a fresh pair of boxers and went to bed. As he drifted into much needed sleep tears of frustration rolled down his cheeks. He sobbed quietly for a few minutes before the darkness took him.

Sasori listened. He heard the sobbing stop, breathing even out, the eventual sound of sleep. He got up. This was by no means the first time he allowed his partner to believe he was sleeping only to get up after the blonde had dozed off.

He could not help it.

He thought Deidara was beautiful. Tragically beautiful. It broke his heart knowing he could never have him. He was too young. He wasn't interested. He was his teammate. And, most importantly, he did not like him. Love him? Oh no, not that either. He loved the thought of him. It disturbed him now that Deidara was so upset. From only listening Sasori picked up him limping into the room, taking an absurdly long shower, dressing his wounds (some quite painful), then crying himself to sleep.

Sasori stopped and looked on the floor. He bent down and picked up the sock with the tips of his forefinger and thumb. The wadded cloth was covered in blood. Sasori dropped it and moved on. There was a patch of blood on the shoulder of his shirt and another on his pants in a place that caused Sasori to clench his fists and cringe in disgust. Slowly he approached Deidara.

He stood over his partner and watched him sleep, as he had done a few times before. The emotions he felt and the thoughts swirling in his head were not the same. As he viewed the bruised and cut face of his partner, Sasori felt a hate burn deep within him.

He did not care for the boy's attitude, nor his personality. As he watched him day to day, Sasori fell in love with with him on a completely physical standpoint. This sounds absurd but the Sunagakure native justified his feelings with the fact that his profession has him inspecting, selecting, and eventually modifying bodies. It is the only way he knows to view the world now.

Deidara's body is of the rare few that he would never be able to find a reason to change.

The fact anyone would dare damage him...his partner, a perfectly beautiful work of natural art...was a cardinal sin in the eyes of the puppeteer. And the way he had been assaulted...

Sasori silently gathered the discarded articles of clothing. He then went into his workshop and fired up the furnace (this being used for the quick and sanitary disposal of his leftovers). He quickly threw them in, right down to the shoes. These items were sullied beyond reasonable repair. Sasori went about creating a new set of clothing for his partner. He did not know where his jacket was but he would fashion him a new one as well.

As he sat alone, working by the light of the incinerator, he swore his revenge.


	4. Chapter Four: Aftermath

He awoke not quite remembering what happened the day before. He felt sick nearly as soon as he woke.

He remembered. Every thing came rushing back to him in waves of one disturbing image after another, each riddled with pain.

Deidara sat up slowly, wincing as the mere pressure of sitting up was added to his sore body. It was then he noticed the clothes neatly folded at the end of his bed.

Had Sasori done this?

He picked up each piece and examined them. They were made better than the previous ones and the styling was slightly different. The standard color was applied but the shirt stopped about three inches above his bellybutton, exposing a decent portion of his midriff, covered in the netted mail, of course. This little flair actually suited Deidara, who had a small complaint about the monotony of the clothing, perfectly.

Style aside, Deidara put the clothes on, thankful that they were mot his old set. This led him to wonder how much Sasori knew or guessed. His old clothes were nowhere to be found which likely meant his partner had cleared them away, seeing the condition in which they had been left. Deidara got up and walked into the bathroom to inspect the damage done to his face. He viewed in the mirror nothing short of what he expected, there was significant bruising on the left side of his face...of course his usual hair-style would hide that nicely...but the cuts on and around his lips were red and quite ghastly. He touched them gingerly, cursing his attacker.

He couldn't hide here but what would he say? That he got into a fight would be the best route (as well as mostly true), but what odd injuries for a standard squabble! What usual attacker bites the lips of his foe?

_I will just say he was a real freak._

Deidara walked out of his room, with quite the limp still. Despite having to give explanations, he was not going to hide in his room. He walked to the common area where a few of the members were already gathered. Itachi and Konan sat at the table; Konan was eating while Itachi was giving the surface of the table a death stare. Kakuzu sat in a chair writing in a pad of paper at an inhuman speed. Deidara could hear Hidan talking to someone (or possibly himself) in the neighboring kitchen.

Deidara sat down next to Itachi after smothering his shaky nerves which wanted to take the seat across from Konan. He stared sidelong at Itachi who seemed completely oblivious to anything in the room. It occurred to Deidara that he was starving and should have gotten something before he sat down.

Konan glanced at Deidara then took a double-take, no doubt looking at his newly and suspiciously acquired injuries. She said nothing but a troubled expression whispered across her face if but for a moment.

"And so I told the guy that even if he sucked my dick right there I'd still wipe his ass off the face of the earth." Hidan entered the room loudly, shouting over his shoulder to the remaining occupants of the kitchen and carrying a plate with a giant steak and two fried eggs on it.

"Hidan, did we not just have a discussion about NOT needlessly torturing your targets?" Konan glared at him from across the table.

"Good morning to you too beautiful." Hidan slid casually into the seat across from the kunoichi who was pretending she wasn't stabbing him with her eyes. "So how about that roll in the hay? Been a long time coming and I know you need it."  
>Konan didn't honor him with so much as a second glance; she merely slipped a bit of rice past her lips delicately.<p>

"Hidan," Kakuzu, whether he meant to or not, graciously changed the subject, "is it not possible to eat half that much food at one time?"

"Yea, yea just because you wanna pinch a penny I gotta starve? No thank you!"

"I think everyone could benefit from that" added Deidara. Kakuzu snorted and a brief look of amusement passed across Konan's expression. Itachi was made of stone.

Hidan glared at the blonde and just then Kisame entered the room carrying three bowls of sashimi on rice. He set one in front of Itachi and, to his surprise, one in front of Deidara then sat with his own between Hidan and Deidara. Just as he had gotten over the slight startle and was considering leaving Hidan leaned over to face Deidara. He nearly smacked me him the face sweeping his hair quickly.

"Get off."

"So what's that?"

"Leave me alone" Deidara settled back in and decided that he may as well eat despite that he knew Kisame was undressing him out of the corner of his eye. Deidara was two bites in before he realized Itachi was staring directly at him.

He could barely swallow the food before turning to face the older ninja. He was staring, without a readable expression, at Deidara's face. It took a moment for him to meet the younger's eyes.

_It was like attempting to see through two, perfectly smooth ebonite stones_, Deidara though. _Itachi was a mystery and even if I got to know him in the ways I imagined laying in my bed at night I would never know what he didn't want me to_.

Things started to get unbearably awkward and Deidara had to pull away. "What?"

Itachi continued in silence, Hidan, on the other hand, was half way through his plate and itching to pursue the center of attention...or at least the ring announcer.

He leaned back over to Deidara, over Kisame's plate, "Hey seriously what happened? You can't just get some action while we are all stuck up in here and not share."

"Just shut up." Deidara chewed his food moodily; Itachi had turned to his own inner agenda once again.

Kisame got up, his food devoured. As he went to move towards the kitchen he placed his hand on Deidara's head. The blonde nearly slammed his own face into his plate trying to avoid the older shinobi's touch. Kisame chuckled and Deidara dug his nails into the table. He slowly sat up as Kisame left. Hidan, Itachi, Konan and even Kakuzu looked up at his overreaction. Konan was long done with her food and sat staring at him, turning a chopstick between her fingers. Kakuzu returned to reviewing whatever he had been writing and Itachi turned back to his food. Hidan slid into Kisame's vacated seat.

"Awww," Hidan tried repeating Kisame's gesture but Deidara smacked his hand away in an instant. He smiled, "Hey you're so jumpy today," He let Deidara settle back into his food for a moment then Hidan attacked. "Hey what's with the new clothes?" He pinched Deidara's side through the thin layer of armor.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Deidara shoved him but Hidan came right back, giving him a little tickle.

"Showing off like that I bet you made a move on some guy and he beat the shit outta you!"

"FUCK OFF!" Deidara got up, grabbing his plate, and stormed into the kitchen. He cleared what was left into the trash. He felt like sending the plate into the sink in a million pieces but at that moment Konan entered.

She coolly rinsed her bowl next to Deidara. She looked sidelong at him, "I would like a word with you once you've finished up here." She laid a hand his shoulder before leaving.

Deidara grabbed a glass and filled it with water. He leaned against the counter, taking a slow sip. He lowered his head and allowed his bangs to completely cover his face. He heard someone enter the kitchen.

_If it's Hidan, he thought, I'll cut his throat. _

He ventured a glance through his hair, it was Itachi. He placed his plate in the sink slowly. He remained there, so close Deidara could smell him. He smelt like the end of a long rain.

"Who was it?"

Deidara lifted his head and looked at Itachi who met his eyes in an instant. _That's twice today __**he's**__ been the one looking at __**me**__._ "What do you care?"

"What do you?"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Why are you protecting him?"

"I'm not!"

"Then why won't you tell?" Deidara looked away, he had no answer. "Do you think you're protecting yourself? If no one knows it enables him to do it again."

Deidara was silent...why was Itachi talking about this? Suddenly he felt a hand on his cheek, turning his face towards Itachi. He examined the younger shinobi's face for a long moment. Finally he released him and turned to leave.

"Take care of yourself, Deidara."

Deidara remained frozen for a minute then chased out the door after him.

"Itachi..." the named paused, without turning though Deidara could feel that Hidan had turned to look at him."You know who it was."

It was not a question or an accusation, it was a stated fact. Deidara saw Itachi as being far more brilliant than any person here, there was no doubt in Deidara's mind he had picked up every microscopic clue and put this puzzle together over breakfast.

"We have a mission….Kisame and I, that is." He continued walking. Deidara stood there, his knees felt weak.

"Hey" Deidara ignored him. "Hey...PSST! Did you fuck Itachi?"

Deidara spun around; Hidan was leaning back looking at him, balanced on the back two legs of his chair. Deidara splashed his glass of water into his smirking face, followed by the glass which he dodged. It shattered on the other side of the table causing Kakuzu to put down his papers so fast the shards of glass hadn't settled before he assessed the monetary damage. For his finally Deidara kicked the legs of the chair out from under him. Hidan fell on his back laughing.

Deidara left back towards his room. His hand was nearly on the door when he remembered that Konan wanted to see him. He hesitated. He could either go see Konan who would no doubt try to get some information about this impromptu "fight" he had or remain here and wait for her to send for him.

He decided to go to her.

Konan roomed alone. Perhaps it was that she was higher-ranked or maybe it was the fact that she was the only female for miles and the mere thought of setting her up with any one of the presumably horny men here was simply atrocious. He knocked and was let in promptly.

Her room was no different from his own, except it appeared to be slightly smaller. She had a bed, dresser, mirror hanging on the wall, a small shelf with several books, and a chair next to a lamp. Her jacket was hanging by the mirror, this was the first time Deidara had seen her without it. She was wearing tight-fitting pants and a sleeveless shirt that opened in the front to show off her pierced belly-button. She was only about an inch taller than the youth; she had narrow shoulders, flat abs, a more than generous bust, and shapely, toned legs. Really Hidan was pretty justified in pursuing her, even if he was a dirtbag.

"Sit down?" She gestured to her bed. They both sat simultaneously. She was silent for a moment, staring off into space. At last she turned to him. "Deidara, it troubles me that you have barely been here a week and there is already a...problem"

He nodded.

"Do you care to tell me what happened?"

He swallowed...even now his body was sore in places he would rather not acknowledge. Sitting was a test of endurance in itself. "It was just a fight. I was attacked and fought back."

She nodded. "Who got the better?"

Deidara didn't feel the need to answer.

"I am assuming it was a member of the Akatsuki...care to tell who?"

"No."

She nodded again "If something like this comes up in the future, I will be more pressing with it. If we cannot have peace within ourselves how can we attain it outside these walls?"

He nodded. Deidara didn't believe in the campy world peace campaign that the Akatsuki are supposed to be standing for. In fact, he didn't think even half of them did. He was just here because it is a place to belong...He found that he didn't make a good loner.

Konan reaches out and sweeps Deidara's bangs out of his face, tucking them behind his ear. He really was just a kid. Konan looked at the bruising, the small cuts. Nothing looked infected; really the bruising just made everything look ten times worse than it really was.

"You took care of these on your own?" He nodded. "Are there any others?"

"Yea," Deidara tugged at the neck of his shirt, exposing a small portion of the bite.

"Let me see that," Konan grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head. Deidara blushed, he felt suddenly insecure about his narrow chest and angular ribs. She looked at it for a moment, "I'm going to clean this up for you, it looks a little infected but not bad." She got up and walked into the bathroom.

Konan sat back down and started wiping it with a hot, wet cloth. She was abrasive enough to remove the scabbing; blood began to well up only to be wiped away. Deidara felt tears brimming at his eyes. It was not from the pain but from the pent up frustration.

Konan went about her work like nothing was happening. She had him bandaged up in record time. "Deidara," she rested a hand on his shoulder, the uninjured one, "You and Sasori-san have a mission."


	5. Chapter Five: The End of a Season

It had taken just under a month to complete the mission, a simple gather information then annihilate sort of job. Deidara swore they got all they needed in the first three days but Sasori said to wait. He was certain there was more to be learned.

And he was right.

The subject was one of the elders in the Sunagakure village. He seemed like just some geezer with a superiority complex, but, according to Sasori, he revealed something significance...something the Leader would be very pleased with. Apparently Suna was housing a jinchuriki host. Deidara was not sure of the significance nor exactly what it was just that it was a very powerful weapon.

Upon returning Deidara could not help but wonder if Itachi was back yet...with Kisame. Deidara left Sasori to report on his own while he headed to their room. Whether it was the slight hunger or his restlessness to see if Itachi was back, Deidara went to the common area instead of his room. There was nobody there.

Deidara decided to find something to eat. He walked into the kitchen and paused upon the threshold. Itachi was there. He was preparing a small assortment of vegetables and some chicken.

Deidara went to the fridge, acting like it didn't matter whatsoever that Itachi was in there. He opened the door and stared without seeing any of it. After a moment he realized how ridiculous this was.

"You shouldn't just leave that open."

"Whatever," he closed it. And turned to look at Itachi.

"Are you hungry?" Itachi turned to look at him.

"No was looking in there for my socks."

Itachi's eyebrows flicked up just for a second. "Right, pass me some more chicken."

Deidara opened the fridge and took some out. On one hand he wanted to tell Itachi not to tell him what to do but on the prevailing hand he wanted to be there with him, even if it meant following orders.

Never had imagined Itachi in this sort of setting. Of course it made sense; even the amazing Itachi Uchiha has to eat and, therefore, has to make his own food occasionally. Deidara felt somewhat uncomfortable watching him cut some more vegetables and cook. He wasn't about to jump in and help (he couldn't cook to save his life) but he felt rather useless...like he should be doing something. Luckily it wasn't long before the food was finished, the meat was cut thin and Itachi left the vegetables mostly aldente. He separated the food onto two plates.

"Here," he passed one to Deidara.

"Thanks." He took the plate and they both walked towards the table. Just then Hidan came around the corner.

Itachi lightly gripped Deidara's arm and lead him down the hall. Deidara heard Hidan make some remark behind them but his heart was pounding too hard in his ears for him to make out anything specific.

_What is Itachi doing?_

The two traveled down the hall and to the doorway of Itachi's room.

Deidara froze. Did Itachi mean to take him in there? What for? Itachi opened the door and stepped aside to let Deidara enter. He hesitated then went in. The room was just like the others, sparsely furnished with very little personal affects as possible. Of course Deidara immediately scanned for anything personal of Itachi's. The only thing he saw was a Konoha headband, with the symbol marred, lying on the table next to his bed.

"You can sit down," Itachi gestured to a chair, "I thought this would be better than having to put up with Hidan again."

"Oh yea," Deidara sat down; nearly all thoughts of some more exciting reasons why Itachi would invite him into his room disappeared.

Of course, this is Kisame's room too.

Deidara looked at the other ninja's bed for only a second out of the corner of his eye. The thought of Kisame made him sick.

_How awful it must be_, thought Deidara, _to have to share a room with that monster._

Deidara took a bite of his food...it was pretty good! Itachi was staring off in some indiscernible direction, chewing his food at a painfully slow pace. Deidara watched him for a minute before Itachi broke the silence.

"He is not here right now." He looked at Deidara from the corner of his eye. "Kisame left on a single mission this morning."

"Ok," Deidara hated that he must have looked obviously worried at the whereabouts of Itachi's partner. And, even worse, his former accusation of Itachi knowing who had attacked him was true. Deidara moved the food awkwardly around on his plate.

"It's okay if you tell the leader. No one would blame you."

"Yea right. Ninja are supposed to be strong...I'd be the laughingstock of the Akatsuki."

"If you took a moment to think of anyone but yourself, you would realize that he was weaker for giving in to such an urge."

Deidara's cheeks burned. "Then why don't you tell?"

"It isn't any of my business."

"Then what are you doing!" It wasn't a question; it was Deidara's pent up frustration seeping from the cracks. When Itachi lead him here it got the blonde's hopes up, then he said just wanted to avoid Hidan. Then he sounded like he genuinely cared for Deidara, and now it's not his concern? Deidara is not the sort of person to tolerate a rollercoaster ride at his expense. He wasn't one to be toyed with.

Itachi stood, setting down his plate, and pulled his cloak from where it had been hanging. Deidara watched him leave the room. He remained frozen where he was for a moment then rushed after Itachi.

He was outside before Deidara caught up to him. Frost crunched under their feet. Mid-March and the world was frozen over. The frigid air bit at Deidara's skin through his light clothing.

"Itachi wait!" Why wait? What was he going to say?

Deidara hurried after him. Just as he reached out his hand to catch hold of the Uchiha's jacket, Itachi stopped and turned.

Deidara ran full into him. He was pressed into Itachi's warm chest, his face a mere inch from the older ninja's, though he had to look up to make this possible. They stood there. Normally Deidara would have jumped back but the look in Itachi's eyes and the aura of his body was so different...it was inviting.

Before Deidara had gotten over the initial shock, Itachi slowly closed the space between them.

Perhaps Hell has frozen over too.

Deidara felt surrounded by heat. The kiss, as soon as Deidara grasped that this was actually happening, was slow and gentle. Both were just as timid yet eager as the other.

This was the last cold day of the season.


	6. Chapter Six: Yearning

It had been three weeks since Deidara's metaphorical moment in the sun with Itachi, seven weeks since he was raped by Kisame, and eight weeks since he joined the Akatsuki. A lot happens in two months, it would seem.

Today he is lying in the grass, watching the sun, the literal sun; make ever-moving designs on his pants through the leaves on the branches high above him and Itachi. The breeze was cool, not cold, but a pleasant contrast to warm weather. This year spring was being particularly agreeable. Itachi was sitting with his back against the tree, his eyes closed and his expression blank. Deidara was sitting against the same tree, his head resting on the other's shoulder.

"Itachi…" Deidara looked up at his face. Itachi didn't acknowledge him for a while and when he did he only gave him the partial opening of his eyes. "Itachi when do you think we should head back?"

"It doesn't matter…who would be looking for us?"

Deidara shrugged and looked back to the shadow show on his legs. "I don't know. You're the one who is always being so cautious…you don't want anyone finding out." Deidara slid down to rest his head on Itachi's chest. Itachi rested his hand on Deidara's chest. 

"Do you want people to know?" 

Deidara sighed, "Not really I guess...it would probably be really awkward." 

"Fine, then it is our little secret." 

They both smiled. Deidara laced his fingers with Itachi's.

Their hands fit so perfectly like this.

..

Back at the hideout the two went there separate ways. When Itachi got back to his room he found Kisame sitting in one of he chairs. If he was not mistaken it looked as if the older shinobi had been waiting for him.

"Itachi…it is not like you to take a whole day off." 

"I went for a walk."

"Hm."

Itachi walked to his bed, having nothing else to do he sat down. At first he was indifferent to his partner, then he respected and somewhat admired him, but now…

Did he hate him for what he had done? Did he lose his respect for him? Did his every action disgust him now? Yes, yes, and yes. Or was it all maybes? Itachi had all sorts of mixed emotions over the situation. Yes he thought what Kisame had done to Deidara was utterly despicable. Yes he moved down quite a bit in Itachi's respects. But he still acknowledge him as a formidable shinobi, he still recognized him as a great partner and an indispensable asset to the Akatsuki. But what of Deidara? Was he not tortured that this man was so close so often?

But, to be honest, Deidara could be replaced easily. Kisame's amazing amount and strength of chakra made him a unique and irreplaceable member. If it was so bad, Deidara could leave despite not being the one in the wrong.

But…Itachi did not want that.

So on one hand Deidara was miserable with Kisame in the Akatsuki, and on the other Itachi would be miserable if Deidara left.

He was near positive that if Kisame wanted to he could and probably would attack Deidara again. Was Itachi going o stop him? In doing so ruin the Akatsuki? Could he crumble the noble dream he stood behind with utmost dedication? Of course not. Poor Deidara would just have to come to terms with what happened…learn to defend himself or get out, no matter how much it would hurt Itachi.

Itachi rubbed his eyes.

Already he wanted to see Deidara again. What was he going to do? He was going insane! Truly this has to be nothing more than teenage angst at its finest…how could Itachi fool himself into thinking that in such a short amount of time he had fallen in love with this other boy? It seemed so ridiculous…but his heart put up a very good argument.

He sighed and stood up.

"Where are you going now?"

"Just to get something to eat," Itachi said as he left. He was not hungry despite it being nightfall and he had barely eaten breakfast. Itachi headed into the commons. The lights were out and every seat was deserted. He sat down in one of the chairs and closed his eyes.

Perhaps out here the discomforting thoughts of his partner would escape him and he could get some sleep.

Itachi, somewhere between dream and reality, was disturbed from his near slumber from the slightest of noises. It was the sort of quiet sound one makes when he sneaks into a room with the intention of getting caught. Itachi opened his eyes and found himself looking at Deidara.

"Dei…did you need something?"

Deidara was silent. He remained standing there awkwardly for a moment then made his was swiftly over to Itachi. He paused a minute…he looked like he had something to say…and then turned and sat on the arm of the chair, his back to Itachi.

"I couldn't sleep."

"That makes two of us," Itachi stared at him. Deidara was wearing short pants and a thin shirt, his feet were bare and his hair was out of its usual tie. Itachi imagined he had just gotten out of bed.

In the silence, Deidara turned to Itachi. Desperately he tried to think of something to say. _What are you doing_? No. _What do you want to do? _Definitely not. Last thing he needed was make the moment more awkward, and nothing could do that better than a phrase so often taken as a sexual invitation.

To be perfectly honest he wanted nothing more than to climb on to Itachi's lap and see where they went from there. It crossed his mind that he was just being a kid with an over-active libido…but he didn't care. The urges were so strong when they kissed, or even merely touched each other in the most innocent of ways. Even now, without any contact at all, Deidara's heartbeat was in the pit of his stomach.

Truth was, he wanted Itachi…he wanted him bad!

Itachi reached up and placed his hand gingerly on the blonde's waist. There it was his queue. Deidara moved down onto Itachi's lap. The chair was big enough for the two like this. Deidara sat with his legs on either side of Itachi's, their privates separated by mere layers of cloth. The heat was so electric Deidara physically shivered, which excited them both. They kissed passionately, neither holding anything back. Deidara moved with direction of Itachi's hand, grinding on the other and getting them both hard.

Itachi moved down and kissed Deidara's neck, causing him to let out little moans. He fought a little to try to get at Itachi's neck but the other wanted to have his fun first. Suddenly, as if it were an automated action, Itachi lifted Deidara slightly and flipped him onto his back. Deidara wrapped his slender legs around Itachi's waist and welcomed that Itachi was making all the moves now.

Itachi paused only to remove both of their shirts quickly then went back, now having a fresh canvas to paint kisses on. He kissed and licked Deidara's chest and down to his stomach. He nibbled on the thin skin as he, without even thinking of what he was doing, began to undo the younger ninja's pants.

"Itachi!" Deidara suddenly sprang up and grabbed hold of the other ninja's shoulders, stopping him. His legs were shaking and there were tears in his bright blue eyes.

"I-I'm sorry…" _What the hell was I doing? Do I even know what I was going to do? How I was going to do it? Why the hell did I let myself get ahead like that? _

_Poor Deidara…_

Itachi sat back up and wrapped his arms around Deidara. He kissed his temple and Deidara kissed his neck.

"It's fine Itachi," he kissed him again. _Damn_, thought Deidara, _what's wrong with me? It's not like he's Kisame. It's not like I didn't WANT him to do that. It's just…_

More tears spilled from his eyes as Itachi went back to kissing him.

_Why can't I stop crying? I am over it. OVER it! I am perfectly fine….it happened and it is in the past. I am NOT a weak shinobi. I am fine…_

_I am fine._

_I am fine._

_I am fine._

Suddenly the sound of someone clearing their throat loudly echoed in the near-empty room. They both froze and looked in the direction of the sound.

Konan walked by into the kitchen carrying an empty glass. Itachi sprang off Deidara and grabbed his shirt. Deidara quickly buttoned his pants and wiped the tears from his cheeks. There was the sound of the sink running, then turning off. She came back out and glanced at the two boys.

"Good night," she waved, her face expressionless, and walked back towards her room.

They remained where they were for a moment. Itachi looked at Deidara briefly then looked away. "Good night…" he walked away. He stopped for a moment, turned as if he were going to say something but then shook his head and kept going.

Deidara sighed and leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes.

He was ready to go to bed.

…

..

…

**Hey guys, sorry it took so long to update! I have had a lot going on but now I can hopefully get the rest of the chapters out faster!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! **


	7. Chapter Seven: Limit

Itachi was out on a mission with Kisame. He had been gone for a week now. Deidara seemed a little less perky, and Sasori assumed that this was why. Right now he was sitting on his bed sculpting some intricate bird from clay. Sasori was sitting on his own bed watching him...he had been for the last hour. At last Deidara stopped. He looked at it for a minute then crushed it in his hand and stuffed the clay back into his pouch. He got up, walked to the door and slipped his shoes on.

"I'm going to the kitchen, do you want anything?"

"No, thank you."

Deidara put his hand on the door knob then turned back to Sasori. "Um... I forgot to say thank you earlier...for the clothes."

Sasori was silent.

"That...uh...was you right? The new clothes..."

"It's fine, they needed to be replaced."

Deidara's cheeks flushed. He hesitated like he was going to say something but didn't. Sasori watched him leave. He sat there; making sure Deidara was down the hall before he pulled his cloak on and left as well.

It was as good of time as any to tinker around with his latest project.

When Deidara returned to the room Sasori was not to be found. It was just as well, he left the commons because he wanted to be alone anyways. He sat down. After-all he only got a glass of water and not something to eat, nothing sounded very appetizing. He turned the glass in his hand numbly. On a level he wished Sasori was there...just to have another person in the room.

He closed his eyes and set the glass down...he wasn't really thirsty either. It was hard for him to believe he could be this distraught without Itachi.

Miles away, hundreds of miles, Itachi and Kisame had just finished their mission and were resting before continuing the journey back. Itachi stood with his back to a large tree. He hadn't been feeling quite... right. He knew it had to do with Deidara.

He had never been like this with anyone. And it felt so good.

But this whole mission he was missing him. He longed for Deidara. He yearned just to see him again. This whole time he hadn't even thought of his brother.

His own brother.

It was disgraceful. He was losing sight of his objectives over this little romance. Even on this mission he felt distracted by the thought of Deidara.

As good as it felt to be in a relationship with someone like this Itachi did not need any distractions. He would have to talk to Deidara as soon as they got back. He had to end this.

Upon returning Itachi went to his and Kisame's room while the Kiri ninja reported back to Nagato. He took a swift shower and changed into more casual attire. He felt sick to his stomach. He knew Deidara and Sasori had not been sent out. Deidara was here and he would have to face him. He would have to tell him that this could no longer go on between them.

He left the room in a rather dark mood. He was not looking forward to this. But oh how the fates can be cruel! He looked up only to see Deidara walking towards him.

He wasn't ready for this.

"Itachi-san, welcome back." He smiled…that damn sweet smile.

"Deidara, we need to talk."

"Um…okay." He looked a little worried, Itachi's tone was a lot harsher than he had intended. Itachi walked past Deidara and Deidara turned to follow. Itachi had no idea where he was going, he just kept going. In all honesty he knew damn well that he was just avoiding speaking to Deidara, but he told himself he needed to find the right place to tell him. At last he stopped. He had gone as far as the medical ward, the door was just to their left, they were at the complete other end of the base.

There was nowhere else to go.

"So what is it?" Deidara was trying to make his voice sound calm, strong, and aloof. He didn't wan Itachi to hear his worry.

Itachi turned to him. He stared at Deidara for a minute. Two minutes. Almost three…they stood in awkward silence, shifting from one foot to the other. At last Itachi let out a sigh. He took two steps towards Deidara and put his hand on he younger ninja's shoulder. "Deidara I was thinking about…us the entire time I was away. And I…" he allowed himself to trail off. Deidara's face, staring directly up in to his own, screwed up for a minute before he pushed the emotion back under. Itachi looked into his eyes and could not tell if he was sad or angry. "Deidara…I'm sorry. Is a mere friendship not enou-"

Deidara cut him off. He shoved Itachi away from himself and took three steps back. Itachi felt his heart breaking as he looked at Deidara. There were tears at the corners of his eyes that he was refusing to shed, his jaw was clenched as well as his small fists. After a moment he turned to walk away but Itachi went after him, grabbing Deidara by his shoulder. Deidara spun around.

_This is exactly how this began, _thought Itachi, _one of us chasing after the other, but our places are reversed._

Instead of being met with a kiss Itachi was met with Deidara's fist in his face. He didn't hit him hard, whether it was the awkward angle, or he didn't really want to hurt him, or perhaps it was the fact that Deidara couldn't hit very hard anyways. Itachi did not release him. Instead he pulled Deidara to him.

_What am I doing? _

Deidara struggled but Itachi held him tight, the younger shinobi's face buried in his chest. Finally Deidara stopped trying to get away and just looked up at Itachi, the tears had found there way down his pink cheeks but that defiant look was still there. Itachi placed a kiss on Deidara's forehead and he let out a long sigh and relaxed into Itachi's hold, resting his head against his chest.

"I'm sorry; I don't know what I was saying." _YES I DID! Why did I say that? Would it be bad to take back tacking that back?_ Itachi was mentally ripping his own throat out.

"I have been stressed out over this too…I just feel like I don't know anything I am doing any more." Deidara looked back up at him, "But I am certain that I never want to leave you."

Itachi was silent. There was no way he could break things off with Deidara right now, but he would have to eventually. He kissed the tear streak on Deidara's cheek and felt Deidara press himself even closer. Itachi kissed his mouth slowly. At first it felt like the first time, Deidara was hesitant and shy, then all of a sudden he opened up and it was like nothing they had done before. Deidara felt full of fire, it seemed upsetting him like that caused him to let something go. Itachi's breath was taken away by the passion of the kiss. He quickly regained his bearings and kissed back, trying to match Deidara's fervor. They moved over to the wall and Itachi pressed Deidara into it, causing the other to push back, pressing their bodies tantalizingly close. Deidara pushed back a little harder and flipped them. He kissed Itachi's neck which caused small noises of pleasure to escape from his lover. Itachi suddenly lifted Deidara up, pressing their already aroused sexes together through the fabric of their clothes. He turned and pressed Deidara against the door of the medical ward, silently hoping nobody was in there.

Suddenly the door fell open, Deidara had opened it. Itachi nearly dropped the smaller boy who set his feet on the floor. He looked behind himself and saw an empty room and an unoccupied bed. He turned back to Itachi, pulling him by his shirt with a playful grin on his young face. It took Itachi a moment to realize he was being pulled over to the bed. Are we ready for this? He was excited at first, his hormones urging him to take things to the next level. Then his sense kicked back in. Kakuzu could be back here at any moment…or anyone else for that matter.

He grabbed Deidara by the wrist, looked around, then pulled him into a closet and shut the door.

_This will have to do. At least now there will be another door between us and whoever might come in._

Deidara looked around; there were bandages, linens, and a few boxes in here. _At least this isn't where he keeps the sharps,_ he thought dully.

Itachi pulled off his own shirt then went back to where they left off. His hand slipped under the bottom of Deidara's shirt, his fingers sliding over the soft skin of his flat abs. They parted just long enough for Itachi to pull Deidara's shirt off. He kissed the blonde's slender neck then down to his collarbone. Suddenly he wrapped his arms around Deidara and lifted him up, setting him on his feet atop a decent sized box. He resumed his trail, kissing Deidara's chest then over his stomach. He kissed each hipbone, letting his tongue flick out to tease the thin skin.

Deidara was panting, holding onto Itachi's shoulders for fear his knees would give out. To be honest he was terrified of what Itachi might do next. Excited, but ultimately terrified.

Itachi clumsily placed his hand on the bulge in Deidara's pants. He pressed on it, squeezed lightly. He was glad to hear definite sounds of pleasure. _Well,_ he thought, _despite only having had sex four times in my life and each time with a girl, I guess I could assume it would be pretty easy to please another guy. Honestly, it would be hard to do it wrong._

He slowly opened Deidara's pants and slipped his hand beneath the band of his underwear. They were both holding their breath. Itachi gingerly touched the hardened member. He pulled it out with two fingers and his thumb then closed his entire hand around it, earning a gasp from Deidara who was shaking.

In the dim, nearly no light, Itachi watched his work. The side of his head rested on Deidara's right hip bone, his hand pumped his dick only inches from his face. He played with the thought of just sticking it in his mouth. He was sure that would earn him another gasp, probably even a moan louder than the ones the younger shinobi was making now. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead he looked up at Deidara's face. He could tell even in the dark that his cheeks were heavily flushed, his eyes closed and mouth open letting out small moans in time with Itachi's ministrations.

Itachi abruptly stopped which caused Deidara to open his eyes. He reached up and pulled the blonde's face to his. Their kiss was passionate yet soft, Deidara was having a hard time catching his breath. Slowly Deidara stepped off the box, his own shaky hands making their way to the front of Itachi's pants. He fumbled with undoing them for a minute then Itachi reached down and opened them for him, letting them and his underwear fall to his ankles. Deidara's breath was catching in his throat. He could not bring himself to look down as he slid his slender fingers over Itachi's hot sex. With a trembling grip he began squeezing his length, pumping it agonizingly slow at firs then picking up. Itachi let out a low moan near Deidara's ear causing his cheeks to burn and his hands to move more efficiently. He was sick to his stomach but at the same time he wanted this so badly. Itachi reached back down and began jerking Deidara off again. Deidara pressed his forehead into Itachi's chest. Both were panting and moaning, Itachi had completely dismissed his thoughts of anyone coming in and let his drive for pleasure take over. He noticed the closer Deidara got to coming the weaker his grip got, and he was pretty close. Itachi was getting there as well but the slack in Deidara's work was driving him crazy. Without even thinking he grabbed his own sex alongside Deidara's and began pumping them simultaneously. It felt amazing! His breath quickened and he even let a moan escape. Deidara moaned loudly and grabbed Itachi's arm reflexively. Deidara felt the need to do something with his hands as his pleasure grew. With one hand gripping Itachi's shoulder for dear life his other was left to wander aimlessly. He moved from Itachi's abs to his arm and finally came to his own stomach and slid down to the base of his cock. He was so close now, he felt the need to touch himself but Itachi was doing well enough on his own. Deidara felt his stomach tighten, nearly every muscle wanted to contract at the same time. He brought both hands to Itachi's chest, balling into fists, and came onto Itachi practically yelling. He gasped for air as Itachi sped up, the hot, thick liquid increasing his pleasure as he rubbed it into his own dick. He came within seconds, coating Deidara's already limp member with his seed and moaning loudly. They both stood there panting, Deidara's head resting on Itachi's chest and Itachi's cheek on the top of the blonde's head. Both were covered in sweat.

As they began to catch their breath Itachi came to realized how long they had been chancing their luck. "Deidara, we should probably get out of here."

"Yea," the blonde swallowed. His head was swimming pleasantly and all he wanted to do was curl up and take a nap.

Itachi opened the door, deciding it would be easier to put himself back together outside of the closet. Deidara followed, somehow he managed to get his pants and underwear all the way off, Itachi watched him slightly amused.

Suddenly there was a sound outside the door. They both froze for a moment. Then Itachi bolted back to the closed, practically tackling Deidara as he shut the door as quickly and silently as possible. He crouched in there holding his breath. As it turned out Deidara ended up on his lap, his slender arms wrapped about his neck. They both listened to who they assumed was Kakuzu moving about the room. It took Itachi a minute to realize what Deidara, cheeks aflame, had already noticed.

Itachi moved slightly, they were both still very much naked and positioned rather awkwardly…well not so much so if they were planning on taking their little sexual escapade even further. Their eyes met. Deidara's bright blue eyes were wide; Itachi imagined his were as well, but probably less so. This contact was nearly enough to get him hard again already. He moved a little more, getting a gasp to escape from Deidara. He was barely aware of Kakuzu any more. Itachi slid his hands up Deidara's thighs to his ass. He pulled him closer causing both of them to gasp with the sensation.

Itachi wanted inside of him.

He moved till his dick was just outside his entrance. He wasn't hard yet but the thought of being so close to penetration got his blood pounding. He pulled Deidara towards him while he pushed up, gasping again from the amazing pressure, the feeling of Deidara's hot skin all around him.

"I-Itachi…" Deidara spoke as quietly as he could, his voice shaking so badly he doubted he was even understandable, he was practically whining his name. He felt like he would either throw up or cry, his throat was so tight and his hands shook on Itachi's shoulders.

Itachi looked into Deidara's eyes, now brimming with tears, and froze. Was that fear he saw?

They heard Kakuzu leave and instantly Deidara jumped up. He stumbled from the closet so fast he nearly fell on his face. He pulled on his clothes before Itachi had even stood up and fled from the room without looking back. He sprinted, passing Kakuzu as he went, all the way into his room. He turned and slammed the door, panting and holding his palms against it like someone were trying to break through. At last he calmed down, his muscles relaxed and he rested his forehead against the cool wood. Finally his ninja senses kicked in and he realized he wasn't alone. He turned slowly to meet Sasori's quizzical stare.

He swallowed. He would think of something to say but his voice wasn't working. Deidara suddenly realized he had tears streaming down his cheeks and he turned and rushed into the bathroom, muttering something…he wasn't sure it was even words.

Itachi pulled on his clothes and exited the medical ward. He looked down the hall, Deidara was long gone. He walked slowly back to his room, glancing at Deidara's door as he went.

His mind was blank.

Thankfully the room was empty. He got undressed and went to take a shower. As the hot water ran down his body and the steam filled his lungs everything came rushing to him. Obviously he had gone too far. Deidara wasn't ready. He had pushed it. He had terrified him.

Deidara had been afraid…of him.

He clenched his jaw and his brow furrowed. What was wrong with him? Since when had he become this lust-driven animal? It was disgusting.

Itachi cleared his head and tried to think of it differently. With any luck, he told himself, Deidara will never want to see me again. Hopefully he will hate me from this day till he dies and I won't have to deal with these damned emotions ever again.

He continued his shower, telling himself this was better. That this is the best thing that could have come out of all this shit.

But a part of him was doing all he could not to punch a hole through the tiled wall.

…

..

….

..

**Wow a long one! Sorry it just sort of kept going, but hey we got some more "action" in there! *wink* **

**Well please review, I could really use the inspiration, thanks!**

**-Laura**


	8. Chapter Eight: Danna

Sasori remained still.

Deathly still.

He listened to the running water in the other room. Deidara was upset...again. It frustrated him to know someone was doing this to his partner. And he was pretty sure he knew who it was.

Sasori got up and stormed out of the room and down the hall to his workshop. He slammed the door then moved about randomly grabbing pieces of his work, tools, surplus supplies, and nearly threw them onto his main work table. He began randomly tearing apart the partially assembled pieces of dolls. His mouth was pulled tight but other than that there was no sign of emotion on his unnaturally youthful face.

He stopped, placing his hands flat on the table and hanging his head.

This has to stop. He clenched his fists, digging his finger-tips into the wood. I have to tell Deidara to end all this shit…or do it myself! There is no way this can go on and the Akatsuki still be a cohesive whole.

And, on a level he tried his hardest to suppress, Sasori hated to see Deidara in such distress. He wasn't his perky, mouthy self and it truly bothered Sasori to see his partner going through this. To be honest, he wanted to kill all those who had done this.

He abandoned the scraps on the table and returned to a puppet he had been working on for quite some time. It was his most elegant model yet. He attached his chakra strings and made her spring about the room. She spun and twisted through the air, Sasori was truly impressed with his work…she was even better than she had been in life!

There was a light knock at his door. Sasori ignored it and continued testing the amazing movement of this newest doll. There was that knock again…this time louder. Sasori stopped and returned the puppet to her resting place.

"What is it?"

Slowly the door opened and Deidara's blonde head appeared, followed, of course, by the rest of his body. Sasori stared at him as he shut the door slowly behind him. He looked like a child knowing he was about to be scorned. He approached Sasori silently. He stopped but four feet from the much older ninja and merely stood there for a minute.

Their collective silence was suffocating.

At last he spoke, "Sasori-danna I have a favor to ask of you."

_Danna?_ Sasori was somewhat taken aback yet satisfied by the title. He looked Deidara over, his eyes lingering on what his shirt let exposed, as he had designed it. He traced every angle of his petite midriff, trying not to allow his thoughts to go too far as to what perfect doll he could make from him, and then up at last to his face. Sasori saw a sincere plea in his eyes.

"Well what is it?"

Deidara remained silent for a while, chewing his words over in his brain. At last he spoke, deciding it was best to be frank yet vague. "Sasori, I am asking you to draw Kisame away for tonight. By whatever means you choose and under any pretense you like, I just need him gone. Only for tonight…"

_Kisame? What does he want…or not want, with Kisame? _Sasori weighed the request. It would be easy enough to do. But it bothered him why. Why did he need to rid the hideout of Kisame for tonight? Were he and Itachi…?

Sasori denied himself the right to imagine this. He barely acknowledged what his partner looked like in the shower (though he did this often enough) let alone what he looked like doing _that_.

"Fine," he was barely aware of what he was saying.

Deidara nodded, "Thank you, danna." Sasori watched him leave, hating what he had just got himself into…but seeing that happy, thankful look in Deidara's eyes made it worth it.

Sasori waited till quarter-after-ten, it was a still night. The kind that could swallow you in its vast darkness, hiding every flaw. Sasori walked towards Itachi and Kisame's room and was relieved to see Kisame approaching in the opposite direction (he had wanted to avoid laying eyes on Itachi for fear he may imagine what he may do to his partner in the coming hours). Kisame waved at him and Sasori beckoned the larger man over to him.

"Did you want something Sasori-san?"

"Yes, The Leader has requested we go out on a mission…immediately."

"Both our teams?"

"No…just you and I. I know it seems odd but I am sure our Leader has his reasons."

"He didn't say why?"

"No," Sasori lied with what could arguably be the world's best poker-face, "he left the details to a strict need-to-know basis. As it is I cannot reveal even these details until we have left the hideout…understand?"

"I suppose, let me get my sword."

_Big idiot…as if Leader-sama would ever entrust a mission of this sort to him._

Kisame returned shortly and Sasori led him out into the night, the shadows devoured the two figures in seconds.


	9. Chapter Nine: Over The Edge

Deidara sat on his bed; he was fidgeting with a small piece of clay. He wasn't sculpting anything; he was merely kneading it between his slender fingers. Yes, he was nervous…but he had to do this…do something! He hated how he had left Itachi earlier. Why had he freaked out like that? It was not like Itachi was going to rape him…he was nothing like Kisame. But the fear was still there…the fear of pain, humiliation, despair…he never wanted to feel that way again.

He looked at the time. Sasori told him to wait fifteen minutes and twenty-five had already elapsed. He tossed the clay and forced himself to stand. Deidara had to consciously move every muscle to bring himself to open the door. He walked down the hall…he swore he could hear his heartbeat echoing back to him off the barren walls.

Itachi was sitting on his bed. He was rather perturbed over the fact that Leader-sama had sent Kisame off with Sasori. Surely he wasn't being replaced? He yawned and shut his eyes. He was just on the edge of sleep, leaning rather uncomfortably against the head-board, when a small knock broke the silence.

"Who is it?"

Deidara entered quickly, fearful that he might turn and run at the last second. He shut the door a little louder than he meant to and slowly turned to face Itachi. Itachi stood, his face said he was pleasantly surprised to see him…and Deidara would have smiled if he wasn't still too petrified to move.

"Deidara, did you need something?" Itachi's words were nonchalant but his voice gave him away.

Deidara wanted to say something smart and sexy…but that was honestly nowhere near his playing field. He thought of settling for simply jumping on Itachi…but that wouldn't really get his point across. He imagined walking up to him slowly, kissing his neck. Itachi would move his hand's over his body…Deidara was shivering already. And blushing. His cheeks burned like he had just downed an entire bottle of sake!

_It's this damn light,_ he thought, _there is no way I can do this with all this damn light. I would rather not see (or have Itachi see) every embarrassing detail of this!_

Deidara spun around quickly and hit the light-switch so hard he thought he may have broken it for a second. He was biting his lip as he attempted to will himself to turn back around. He suddenly started imaging what they had done earlier, the feeling of Itachi's hands on his skin, the extreme heat of being so close to him…

_This is not helping!_

Slowly Deidara turned around, his stomach was tight and his knees were weak. Itachi was just staring at him. The dim lamp beside Itachi's bed was still on. It casted seductive shadows on the two. Deidara wished those shadows would swallow him as he slowly pulled off his shirt and walked towards Itachi. Itachi merely stared at him and when Deidara was only inches from him, looking up into his face, he refused to move.

"What are you doing?"

Deidara couldn't say anything. He was trembling. He touched Itachi's chest with one hand and looked up at him longingly…pleadingly.

_Please…don't push me away…_

After hesitating for a moment longer Itachi leaned down and brushed his lips against the blonde's. Deidara parted his lips and pressed them lightly against Itachi's. Itachi kissed back slowly. They remained like that for what felt like centuries. Itachi wrapped his arms around the younger shinobi as the kissed, never letting lust take over and push either over the edge. At last Itachi pulled away.

"Deidara…why are you here?"

"I asked Sasori to take Kisame away for tonight…I-I want to…"

"You did what?" Itachi suddenly stepped away from Deidara. Deidara looked stunned. "Did you tell him about…us?"

"No…he didn't ask and I never said anything."

"But one of them will _suspect_ something!"

Deidara swallowed. He honestly did not care who knew…he thought Itachi had felt the same. "Itachi…don't be mad. I only wanted to spend one night together…"

"Why?"

Deidara was silent. He couldn't very well say he came to make up for running out on him earlier. That was too embarrassing and unflattering. He wished he could think of some sweet way to say it that sounded like something else entirely…but he wasn't necessarily good with words. "I just wanted to spend the night with you…"

"Don't" Itachi's voice sounded stern. "You don't owe me anything…you shouldn't do anything you don't want to do." Itachi picked up Deidara's shirt off the floor and held it out to him. "Just go…it's better if we forget this ever happened…that any of it ever happened!"

Deidara felt like he was going to choke. Was he really that transparent? But Itachi was wrong; he did want to do this! He was nervous, yes, but he wanted to show Itachi that he trusted him…because he loved him.

He stepped around Itachi and walked over to his bed. Deidara untied his hair and began taking off his pants. He stood there, his arms crossed uncertainly across his narrow chest as he began to shiver. He stared at Itachi who looked right back, half horrified and half intrigued.

"Deidara…stop it."

"Come here."

"Stop."

"Itachi…" Itachi walked over and picked up Deidara's pants.

"Put them back on…"

"No."

"NOW!"

Itachi refused to look at him, Deidara merely stood there trembling. He could not take it any longer. Deidara threw his arms around Itachi's neck. He crushed his face into the taller boy's shoulder as tears flowed from his azure eyes. "I-Itachi…please…"

Itachi sighed. He wrapped his arms around Deidara without saying a word.

"Itachi…I can't stop. I love you."

"You shouldn't…" Itachi held him tighter. Everyone he had loved was gone. His family, his friends, his loved ones were all dead. His brother hated him…he wanted to kill him. Everything Itachi touched burned.

Deidara turned into his neck, his hot breath made Itachi shiver. He kissed the sensitive skin and Itachi held him even tighter. He wished Deidara would stop. He wished he would give up and move on…but he also loved every second of this. He knew this could never end in any way but tragedy, but Itachi truly cherished the feeling of loving again and being loved in return.

_Just for tonight_, he thought, _I will do this. I will show him I want to love him just as much as he loves me…that I know he is something precious. Deidara has been hurt, but he is not damaged beyond repair…I want him to know everything will be alright._

Deidara pulled off Itachi's shirt. They both shivered at the contact of their heated flesh. They kissed, passion racing between them. When they finally broke for air Deidara turned to sit on the bed, lightly pulling Itachi by the arm. Itachi sat beside him. He pushed Deidara's hair aside and kissed his neck gently. Deidara gasped as Itachi moved down and nibbled on just the right spot causing shivers to run through his whole body. When Itachi finally stopped he was met with a full kiss that nearly took his breath away.

Deidara slowly laid down. Itachi followed tentatively. He leaned over Deidara, kissing him slower and letting his hand wander down to his lower abdomen. Deidara wrapped his slender arms around Itachi's neck and tried pulling him closer he wanted to feel his body on his own, he wanted to feel Itachi's heat lick his skin and make him beg for more.

Itachi slowly positioned himself over Deidara. Deidara shakily spread his legs and gave Itachi a place to go. Soon they forgot all awkward pretenses and let their bodies move in what ways pleased them both. Of course Itachi had no disagreement when Deidara removed his pants. As the layers of cloth between them became fewer then more eager their movements became. At last Itachi reached into Deidara's underwear and slowly began to tease his hardened member. Deidara's moaned with the sensation. He moved to do the same to Itachi but the older ninja moved away from his touch.

Deidara sat up slightly as Itachi made his way down Deidara's chest and over his flat stomach. He swiftly removed the blonde's underwear and took his sex in his hand and, before he could let himself hesitate, put nearly the whole thing in his mouth. Deidara made a noise between a cry and a moan…Itachi surely startled him. Itachi tried not to think about what he was doing. The basic concept was very simple…just suck. He moved fast but then slowed down, enjoying the sounds his lover made. It was not as bad as he thought it was going to be. The taste was not so much disgusting as it was unique. It was salty, sweet, and he was surrounded entirely by the hot scent of Deidara's skin. It was drowning him, he felt suffocated and intoxicated. Finally he stopped, teasing Deidara to his amusement. He moved back and kissed Deidara, sharing the taste with him. Deidara tugged Itachi's underwear down and began pumping his dick, though his hands were slightly clumsy as he was still trembling from the incomplete blow-job.

Itachi was rock hard. Deidara became even clumsier when he tried putting it in. He was so nervous…he felt like he was going to vomit. Itachi stopped him. They both froze staring into each-other's eyes.

"Are you sure…?" Itachi spoke rather breathlessly.

Deidara swallowed and nodded, he was afraid that if he opened his mouth he would either say no or throw up in Itachi's face. Itachi took the lead and pressed his head against Deidara's entrance. He was just as nervous as Deidara; he didn't want to hurt him. Itachi had no idea what this felt like, he could only assume it was not pleasant at least to begin with.

Slowly he pushed. His member was coated with a decent amount of precum. At first Itachi though he was doing something wrong since it wasn't going in, but he pushed a little harder and the tip went in.

Deidara stiffened and did all he could to stifle the little yelp.

Itachi instantly pulled out, "I am sorry!"

"No," Deidara remembered when he was raped. Despite it being involuntary, eventually the tight hole relaxed and the penetration became less painful. "Try it again…it's okay."

Itachi hesitated. While he was afraid of hurting Deidara, the tight space felt so good. Even just that split second with only his head in felt amazing! This feeling pushed him to go back in.

It slipped in as before. And Deidara reacted nearly the same. Itachi froze and waited for Deidara to do anything. At last he let out the breath he had been holding in and Itachi felt him relax somewhat.

"Do it!" Deidara's voice was sure even though it shook and his eyes were squeezed shut.

Itachi pushed in further, the heat and the tightness nearly pushed him over the edge right then and there. Without giving it much thought he grabbed Deidara's member and began pumping it slowly. This seemed to help relax him and take his mind off the discomfort. Itachi began to move. He pulled back then thrust back in, each time earning a little yelp from Deidara. As he began moving faster he moved his hand around Deidara's cock to keep up. Soon the yelps turned into moans as Itachi felt his lover's member becoming harder; it was nearly shaking with the need to release. Itachi new he was near his own limit and sped up. They came within seconds of each-other, Deidara shot into Itachi's hand and onto his own stomach and Itachi came inside of Deidara, which he instantly felt guilty about.

They remained where they were for a moment, panting and trying to see straight again. Itachi pulled out and collapsed next to Deidara. Itachi grabbed his own underwear and wiped off his hand and member then tossed it over Deidara's. he lay there a moment longer then wiped off his own sex and tossed the soiled garment onto the floor then rolled over to rest his head on Itachi's chest. Itachi ran his fingers through Deidara's hair sleepily, occasionally pulling through a small tangle.

"Deidara, don't fall asleep."

"I'm not," Deidara snuggled closer as Itachi pulled a blanket over them.

"Good," Itachi yawned. "Remember they are only gone for tonight." Itachi closed his eyes sleepily. He rolled over onto his side and pulled Deidara closer before he drifted off to sleep.

Sasori and Kisame were moving quickly, Sasori decided this was the best way to keep up his little façade. It had to be nearly midnight by now and Kisame was just getting to asking questions.

"So where are we going."

Sasori met him with silence.

"He did tell you that didn't he?"

Sasori stopped abruptly. _Surely Deidara has had enough fun time. _He stared down Kisame who was starting to look slightly annoyed.

Suddenly the blue man smiled, "There was never a mission was there?"

Sasori continued to stare at him.

Kisame returned to glaring, "Fuck you, Sasori." Walked past Sasori coolly and began heading back to the base.

Sasori remained standing there for a while then turned and headed back as well. He was fully aware of Kisame just ahead of him but neither acknowledged the other. Then returned and went their own ways silently.

Sasori made it back to his room and froze. Deidara was not there. He checked the bathroom then rushed out of the room.

If Deidara is still there…

He did not know what would happen if Kisame and Deidara met under these circumstances, but he was certain it would not be good. He ran down the hall and came upon Kisame standing in the doorway of his room. Sasori stopped and stared from several yards away.

Deidara stared at the hulking man in the doorway. Itachi had sprang out of the bed and was standing there, stark naked. His fists were clenched and his jaw set. Deidara looked back to Kisame. The look on his face was stunned at first then a wicked smile exposed his razor sharp teeth.

"So you just can't keep your pants on, can you little bitch?"

Deidara clenched his jaw. He wanted to tear that motherfucker's face off!

"Leave, Kisame." Itachi's voice dripped with hate.

Kisame didn't acknowledge Itachi whatsoever; he remained staring hungrily at the blonde. His smile widened, "So did you take it again? I bet you like it in there…"

Deidara sprang across the bed, his feet barely landed on the floor before his fist was in Kisame's face…or in his palm. Kisame caught his hand with ease. He moved and grabbed Deidara's throat with his other hand. Nearly at the same second blood sprayed across the blonde's face.

It was him.

Sasori glared up at Kisame. Sasori's hand was bent back, revealing a blade which had stuck through Kisame's forearm.

It was Kisame…He was the one who did that to Deidara.

Kisame went to swing at Sasori but the red-haired ninja leapt back, pulling his blade from the other man. Kisame turned to face him, his hand on the hilt of his sword.

They both froze, staring each-other down. Deidara stood just within the door, his eyes wide with surprise and horror, and Itachi stood a few feet behind him with an unreadable expression.

At last Sasori spoke, "Just let him go Kisame. Don't cause a scene I just want to take my partner back with me."

Everyone remained motionless; a drop of blood fell from Sasori's blade.

"Fine," Kisame removed his hand from his sword. He turned suddenly and grabbed Deidara by a handful of his pale hair and through him into the hall. Deidara quite nearly landed on his face, catching himself at the last second. He remained facing the ground as Kisame slammed the door.

Itachi saw Sasori move towards Deidara, his hand outstretched to help the young ninja just before Kisame shut the door. They stood in silence. Itachi finally left and went into the bathroom to take a shower.

Nothing would ever be the same.

Sasori unfastened his cloak and draped it over Deidara's narrow shoulders. Deidara remained where he landed, a single tear falling to the floor. Sasori wanted to fuck Kisame up. He wanted to strap him down and saw off his limbs. He would fill his organs with saw-dust and peel off all his skin in one-by-four inch strips while the Kirigakure native watched.

But right now he placed a hand on Deidara's shoulder and tried to coax him to stand up. At last he pulled Deidara to his feet and they walked down the hall, Sasori's arm around his waist.

When they got into their room Sasori led Deidara to the bathroom. "Clean yourself up," he said gently and left him there, closing the door.

Deidara numbly removed Sasori's jacket and placed it on the counter while he turned on the shower. He got in and began cleaning himself.

_What is going to happen?_ Deidara swallowed, his throat was so tight. _I am surely going to get kicked out. What do they do when you are removed from the Akatsuki? Am I going to be killed? And what of Itachi? None of this was any of his fault…_

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door. It opened then a second later closed. Deidara waited a moment then peered around the curtains. Sasori had placed clean underwear and a robe on the counter. Deidara felt slightly embarrassed…then again his partner had seen a lot more than his underwear already tonight. He quickly finished his shower and got dressed. He hesitated before coming out.

Only the light beside Deidara's bed was left on. Sasori was apparently sleeping and there was a glass, as pill, and a note next to the lamp on the table. Deidara picked up the note which merely read:

Deidara-

Take this; it will help you go to sleep.

You can trust me.

-Sasori.

He picked up the little white pill and looked it over. It really didn't matter to him. Deidara popped it in his mouth and swallowed it with the water then laid down. Just as his mind began to wander back towards unpleasant things he slipped into sleep.


	10. Chapter Ten: Mend

When Deidara awoke he felt oddly refreshed. A first he could not decide why this was odd, then the memories of last night came back to him slowly. Suddenly he wanted to go back to sleep. But he was already too much awake for that. He instead got up and got dressed. Within moments of tugging on his shirt Sasori came into the room. Deidara avoided eye contact with his partner. He was humiliated for having to be saved like that last night.  
>He was such an idiot.<p>

"We have a new mission. I want to leave as soon as possible. Get ready."

Deidara nodded silently. He was glad for the mission, he needed a distraction. However he was not looking forward to spending that much time with Sasori, luckily his partner was not much of a conversationalist. Deidara gathered what he needed quickly. He was both eager to leave yet he felt he needed to see Itachi, to say something...anything.

He walked through the halls pretending to be looking for Sasori, even though he knew damn well he was in his workshop preparing his puppets, and kept his eye out for his lover. He found his way into the commons. He heard someone in the kitchen and looked inside to find that it was only Konan. Deidara would have preferred walking away like he was never there but the kunoichi had seen him.

"Can I get you anything, Deidara?"

"Sure...do you know where Itachi is?" He was not afraid of being blunt with her; she was one who knew of them that Deidara thought would be cool with it.

"He and Kisame are on a mission." Deidara nodded. "Aren't you and Sasori supposed to be on a mission as well?"

"Yes, Sasori-san is just..."

"I am right here." Both ninja were surprised by the Suna native. "Are you ready yet, Deidara?"

Deidara had his jacket on, clay packed on two bags on his belt, he had a few kunai on him as a "just in case" precaution, and he was even holding his straw hat. He was completely prepared to leave except for the empty and uneasy feeling he had not speaking, even briefly, to Itachi before departing. But there wasn't anything he could do about that. "Yes," he said and followed Sasori out of the hideout somewhat reluctantly.

The two were silent as always. That was how they functioned. It seemed like if either, usually Deidara, tried speaking casually it turned into an argument. They worked great as a team in combat, but socially they seemed broken beyond repair.

Deidara could not stop thinking of Itachi. He was somewhat surprised that he wasn't approached by anyone about what had happened last night. He thought at least a rumor would have circulated by now, but there was nothing. Maybe, Deidara thought, it has already reached as far as Nagato and he dismissed it? Is this why we were all sent on missions? Maybe he is hoping to smooth things over by separating us for a while. Deidara was sure there would at least be some uncomfortable tension between the four of them from now on, but hopefully there wouldn't be any episodes like last night.

Hundreds of miles away Itachi's mind was in near the same place as Deidara's, except he had been informed on the matter unlike his lover. Yes, Nagato heard of the occurrence. Yes, this is why he sent the four of them on missions. Yes, he was hoping to smooth things over. He sent each of them on rather long and complex missions, hoping to but their minds back into their teams instead of other individuals. Itachi accepted all of Nagato's decisions on the matter.

Even when he told the young Uchiha that he must discontinue whatever relationship he had with Deidara.

Itachi was stone. He travelled without speaking. Without stopping, without eating, drinking, and without a single hint of expression on his face. He went over and over again what Nagato had said to him. And to Sasori. He told them both that they must deal with their partners' places in the matter and have no further interactions with the other's partner. He did, given the circumstances, give Itachi permission to explain the orders to Deidara personally. Itachi was not looking forward to this. As far as he was concerned he hoped this mission would take all year.

Sasori ordered them to stop. He surveyed the landscape while Deidara knelt on the ground. Sasori knew not why the blonde refused to use his jutsu to travel since long distances seemed to tire him greatly. He looked back at his partner who was glaring at the grass. He knew the ground was not what he was mad at.

"Deidara, let's walk from here…there is no hurry."

Deidara stood and joined him, his chin held high and his expression was somewhat defiant. He started by walking behind me but I made a point to slow my pace and walk beside him. Despite knowing it was a bad idea, Sasori wanted to talk to him about what had been going on.

"Deidara, I am sure you have guessed the 'hidden' purpose of this mission by now."

Deidara did not respond but he clearly acknowledged what the older ninja had said.

"The Akatsuki cannot afford internal conflicts...it is best if we act like this never happened. Whatever went on with you and Itachi..."

"Shut the fuck up."

Sasori was taken aback. Deidara had always treated him with respect. The two have had their many, many, _many_ disagreements but the Iwa native had never stepped out of line or lost composure. "No I will _not_ shut up. As a part of the Akatsuki and as a shinobi you must always put the objective _first!_ This relationship you had is obstructing our path and _must_ be annihilated!"

Sasori was surprised neither of them had broken stride. Deidara was tense and his eyes looked watery. Sasori was obviously annoyed, mostly because of the points he had just made. Sasori had been more than unenthusiastic when he heard that his former partner would be replaced by a _child._ Then the Suna native decided to give him a chance, knowing that he himself had been twice as "grown up" as any adult when he was younger than Deidara is now. Sasori was not impressed, initially, but after he had a chance to see his talent, strategy, and wit he once again decided to give the teen his respect. Then Deidara would get mouthy, over-confident, and over-emotional and Sasori would get annoyed again but he let it pass since the other obviously is not near maturation yet, even as a shinobi, and it was only natural hormones and not a character flaw causing him to behave like this. Sasori figured that by putting up with him half the time and putting him in his place the other half would be just enough effort to allow this kid to really grow into an impressive shinobi. But this latest incident forced him to be more assertive. _I should have left Deidara to deal with Kisame on his own, to reap what he had sown_, he had thought. This would have taught him a lesson but Sasori did not trust that "bloody Kiri nin" not to go too far. _Deidara is still my partner and, even if it is no rule written in stone, as my junior he is my responsibility. I would not want him to get hurt or killed because I refused to step in_. _This way it would be easier to smooth things over within the organization._

After a moment of collecting himself, Deidara spoke. "Sasori, whatever you are trying to do…please don't. Let's just get this damn mission over with as soon as possible."

"Deidara…there is no mission."

"What does that mean?"

Sasori sighed, _maybe I shouldn't have said anything till we were further gone_. "Nagato-sama wanted to separate you and Itachi for a while. He sent Itachi and Kisame on a mission and I thought it was best we leave as well. There were no missions for us so I told him we would leave under the pretense of a mission just until things were smoothed over. And I thought it would be better to tell you his decision away from the hideout to avoid any unnecessary scenes…"

"Unnecessary scenes?" Deidara stopped dead in his tracks. Apparently Sasori's decision had rubbed him the wrong way. Deidara was fuming. He could not believe his partner would do this…it was going too far. Yes he appreciated him stepping in with Kisame, despite the humiliation on his own part, but now he was invading Deidara's privacy. "I'm going back," Deidara turned on his heel and began marching angrily back the way they had come.

Sasori watched him for a minute. He tried to tell himself that he didn't care one way or the other that Deidara was mad at him.

But he did.

"Deidara-san," he yelled. The blonde continued walking, refusing to acknowledge him. "Deidara come back, there isn't any use in going back, Itachi is not going to be there!"

"Then I will wait for him."

Sasori scowled. "Stop being a brat, Deidara, you are smarter than this!" Deidara, who was rather far away by now, flipped up a discourteous gesture back at his partner and continued walking. "YOU KNOW HE AGREED, RIGHT?"

Deidara slowly stopped. At last Sasori had his attention.

The older shinobi began walking toward his partner, so he would not have to shout. "Itachi agreed with everything Nagato said. And Itachi even said himself that he had an 'immature slip' and he was ending everything with you. He said it meant nothing and…"

Suddenly a small object whirred into Sasori's face; he turned just in time and the bomb detonated off-target. Still a portion of his face, about the size of his hand just to the side of his right eye, was burned by the small explosion. When he turned back to face his partner Deidara was gone.

"FINE! DESERT US," yelled the Suna native, "AND WHEN WE FIND YOU WE'LL KILL YOU DEIDARA!"

Deidara heard his partner's (ex-partner's?) cry but he continued on through the trees. Tears burned in his eyes but he would not stop. He could not stop. He wanted to leave it all. Deidara had thought he left the bad part of his life behind. He thought the on-the-run, starving, angry teen was dead. He was stupid enough to think he had changed…that he could follow orders and fit in with a group. No, he was always the outcast. He forced himself into solitude everywhere he went. And every time he was left baffled, his head spun trying to think of how he came to these ends. Was there something wrong with him? Sometimes Deidara thought he was in love with his loneliness, that it was the only way he could function. He longed for the kind of misery only the man left staring at his own shadow knows.

When he finally stopped it was well into the night and Deidara had no idea where he was. And he didn't care. He sat down on the edge of a cliff, not a terribly high one but still enough to force him to stop. He was sitting dangerously close to the edge, his knees bulled to his chest and the tips of his toes were actually hanging off the ledge. Luckily the cliff was made of a hard and solid stone, but if it crumbled and fell away under him Deidara did not think he would care. He did not want to die; he just did not care enough to save himself at the moment.

_Besides_, he thought, _the Akatsuki are going to hunt me down anyways. _He imagined fighting off whoever they sent but he knew that he couldn't hold off the entire collection of some of the ninja world's most advanced and ruthless shinobi. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. _I am in the same boat as before now aren't I?_ Deidara decided to just take whatever was coming at him, just like before.

His stomach grumbled. He didn't have any food on him. He never packed food. Deidara did have money on him but he had no idea where he was let alone where the nearest village was. The moon cast shadows on the trees below. There were so many trees in this part of the world.

Sasori approached silently. Either Deidara did not care that he was there or he was so distracted by his own thoughts that he actually did not hear him. When he stepped to the cliff's edge next to the younger shinobi, Deidara did not seem surprised. He didn't move or acknowledge him whatsoever. Sasori sat down next to Deidara.

Deidara sat silently, attempting to be stoic but it failed when his stomach growled. Sasori pulled out a small package from his robes and sat it by Deidara' hand.

"You never pack any food," Sasori said. It was neither accusatory nor chiding, just a statement.

Deidara wanted not to accept the small package but found himself opening it. To his dismay he found a rice ball and some dried fish. He hated fish. He picked up and piece and chewed it slowly instead of complaining, he really was very hungry.

They sat in silence for a long time; Deidara's chewing being the only sound. At last, after mulling over his thoughts, Sasori spoke. "Deidara, I can forgive what you did, I was being cruel and it was only a _human _reaction. But I was speaking the truth…It would be best for everyone if you returned with me to the Akatsuki and follow Nagato-sama's orders."

Deidara had stopped eating. He looked sidelong at his partner. Sasori was staring off into the endless sky, his expression as bank as ever. The side of his face was charred. Deidara felt bad for what he had done.

He really had only been trying to help.

Deidara stood where he was, feet at the cliff's very edge. He swallowed the tears he had been trying not to shed the entire time Sasori was here. "Okay," was all he could muster. He squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out the world for a moment. He didn't even recognize the feeling of the brittle stone crumbling beneath him.

…

…

…

Cliffhanger time!

Literally….haha!

Well I once again apologize for taking so long to update! Life has been really busy, but this semester is at a finish [well, really close] so I should have more time to work on fanfics!

Plus this one has one more chapter left?

Ready for the finale? :

Thank you for reading this far. Please review and share and read my other stories and all that jazz. :D

-Laura


	11. Chapter Eleven: Dusk

Sasori moved as fast as possible. He reached out to grab Deidara's arm as he fell. He grabbed the sleeve of his jacket as he fell. Deidara looked up at him as the sleeve tore.

Sasori did not hesitate to jump after him. He grabbed Deidara's hand and spun around. Three curved blades shot out of his forearm and he plunged them into the side of the cliff. The fall stopped in a spray of rocks.

Sasori looked down at Deidara whose eyes were squeezed shut. His head was bleeding, probably from a falling rock. He opened his eyes and looked at his partner.

"I'm sorry...the cliff..."

"It's alright. Are you hurt?"

"Not badly." He reached into his pouch and pulled out some clay. He molded it for a bit then tossed it into the air below us where it expanded into a giant hovering bird. Sasori released his hand and he dropped onto his clay creation. Sasori followed in suit once Deidara had settled. He looked again at his partner; his pale hair was already plastered with blood.

"You better let me see that," Sasori gestured at his head.

"Yea," he leaned forward and Sasori parted his hair. "It was a piece of rock, not very big I think but it must have had a sharp edge."

Sasori gingerly parted his hair more and inspected the cut. It was small and not too deep but it must have been over a vein because it was still bleeding generously. "It looks okay but I am going to heal it a little because of the bleeding."

"Okay."

Sasori began healing the wound, consciously aware of how close Deidara was. Having a non-living body Sasori could not feel the warmth of having another near, something he never knew he could miss, but he made up for it slightly by focusing on another's chakra. To feel the younger shinobi's vibrant flow of chakra in such a close proximity excited Sasori in ways he wanted to dismiss immediately. When he was done healing the wound Sasori realized that he had moved to rest his hand upon Deidara's head rather than just above the injury. They were both very still. Sasori moved his hand down the side of Deidara's head, his finger's running through his hair, Deidara jumped back suddenly and sat stiffly as far away as he could given the small area they had to share.

"Thank you," the blonde said quietly and began moving the bird back in the direction of the hideout.

The sudden absence of his partner's chakra left Sasori feeling empty. _I cannot allow myself to slip like that again. What would he think of me? _He made a silent oath to never be so careless again. Sasori would be left to admire his beauty from a safe distance, which was where he was most comfortable anyways.

When they returned a short time later the two silently went their separate ways. Deidara headed to their room while Sasori went in the direction of his workshop. Deidara took a shower to rinse the blood out of his hair and to collect himself. He felt…disturbed? No that wasn't it. He just felt strange in the fact that he was taking this so coolly. Yes, initially he was heated but now he just…accepted it?

He finished with his shower and laid down. _Am I really over him? It hasn't even ended officially between us but it isn't bothering me that Itachi could just so easily step out when I had so much invested in the two of us. I loved him…I know I still do. Maybe I am just in denial?_

Deidara decided he would rather sleep than over-think everything that had happened today. No doubt when Itachi came to speak to him, he did say he would, Deidara knew he would not be this cool about it but he hoped he wouldn't completely crumble.

But he never came.

A week (or was it two?) after Itachi returned Deidara approached him, he wanted to talk. Itachi merely said he did not have the time and turned a cold shoulder to him.

One year lapsed and Deidara did what he could to forget, but he still wanted answers. He still awaited Itachi's final words on the matter. So one night he caught up to him, he nearly had to corner him. The blonde yelled and threatened and Itachi said nothing.

The breeze was cold that night but Deidara was overheated. His cheeks were flushed and he was glaring at Itachi who stared back passively.

"WHY WON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?" Deidara demanded he speak but Itachi only stood there, under the dark midnight sky, for a moment longer then turned to leave.

A clay bomb whizzed its way over to Itachi who barely had to do anything to dodge it. It exploded in the empty air before Deidara caught up to what had happened.

Itachi was standing beside him, his hand grasped over Deidara's face threateningly. The dark night became impossibly darker and the moon seemed to glow red. Deidara's eyes widened with the sudden fear that gripped him. He remained like that, trapped, for what felt like centuries before Itachi spoke, and when he did he merely muttered "It's over" before releasing him.

Deidara fell to his knees. No doubt that was Itachi's genjutsu, the second time Deidara had carelessly been caught in it.

It was strange it ended like this when it was this same technique that caused the artist to fall for the Uchiha in the first place.

Another year passed, then yet another and the two hated each other. Itachi dismissed Deidara and Deidara insulted and challenged him every time he could. They were nearly unbearable.

When Sasori died Deidara was relieved he was replace by a fucking idiot. Now he had someone to fire his pent-up anger and frustration on and Tobi did nothing to stop it. He made a nice little punching bag. But really it ate Deidara up inside to lose Sasori. They functioned well despite little arguments they had, but when they were not on missions, when they were alone Deidara really had someone to confide in. He told Sasori everything, and the older shinobi listened, giving only carefully-worded and short advice when he needed to. He was really the best partner Deidara could ever have had.

Then came the day Itachi had been dreading.

It was Pein who told him. He said that his brother had been able to locate them, that it was known that Sasuke was looking for him and now he knew where he was.

"You will not have to worry about a thing," Itachi left him with that. He knew what he was going to do and he was more than ready to do it.

His time was over.

Before he could leave and find Sasuke himself, more news came his way. It hit him hard in the gut and the stone raven nearly lost composure.

"I'm sorry," Konan whispered as she left him.

Itachi couldn't breathe. He stood there; every muscle in his body had tensed up. When he finally settled enough to will himself to move he hesitated for fear he would fall to his knees. Somehow he made it back to his room and shut the door. Thankfully it was empty.

He exhaled deeply, staring down at his feet. He had been dressed to leave; he had been ready to meet his fate at his brother's hands. But now he had to wait. Now Sasuke was injured, he had been attacked and now Itachi had to wait for him to recover.

And Deidara was dead.

He left, unprecedented, and attacked Sasuke on his own. Of course everyone would believe he was trying to prove himself, to insult and challenge Itachi by defeating his brother.

But Itachi knew better.

He knew all these years that Deidara's hate was only a façade. Of course he was angry and confused about what Itachi had done, and he had never forgiven him for being so cold, but Itachi knew he had never stopped loving him. Even without his sharingan, it was always there in his crystalline eyes.

Itachi felt two heavy tears fall from his eyes.

He learned to accept that he would never stop loving Deidara a long time ago. He would not allow himself to let Deidara know this for fear they may start down the same distracting path as before, but he loved him all the same. And he knew Deidara must have gone out to kill Sasuke because he knew he meant to kill Itachi. He hated him for being such a fool.

More than that, Itachi hated love for betraying him…time and time again.

In the end, despite his heart being filled with love for his brother. Despite Itachi being faced with Sasuke, the one he cared for above all others, Deidara crossed his mind. In his last seconds, as the vision of his brother blacked out completely, Itachi saw Deidara as they had been so long ago. Happy and without a care, loving one another without worry or interruption. Sitting side-by-side in contented silence, it was those days Itachi remembered what an honest smile felt like.

_As we go out of this world we may experience happiness or pain, heaven or hell. I have my heaven, and now I go to meet him._

_**Fin.**_

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**Okay so it's done! Sorry it had to end tragically. That's just how I am. I'll write a happy one next time, promise! **

**Did I ever mention I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE TITLE OF THIS STORY? Well, I do. Need to think of something better….this one is too long, too hard to remember (I would imagine), and it just sounds annoying (at least to me).**

**Open to suggestions!**

**Well please review and keep your eyes out for more of my stories! And/or go check out ones I already wrote (**cough** SECOND CHANCE **cough cough** which may have happy endings already **cough**) Sorry I tend to cough when there's ItaDei around *wink***

**Happy Reading!**

**~Laura**


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